Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Constant Battle

It's like I have an internal war going on between my heart and my mind. Do I want another baby or not? I think about this every day in an obsessive way, like all day!

My heart tells me I need another baby. A little girl named Alexis (yes she already has a name) I don't feel like I could not handle another child. She would be a great addition to the family. A little sister for Ashten and Tyanna. I feel like I need one more chance to go through labor and delivery all natural. Maybe even a midwife. One more shot to breastfeed for the whole first year. I have plenty other reasons.

My mind tells me no way dude!!! I don't want to gain 40 pounds again! I don't want to be on an emotionial roller coaster. I don't want to have leaky boobs for a year. I don't want to try and find a babysitter for five kids when Brad wants just us to go on a trip. I also have plenty other reasons for not having another.

I wish I could get a clear yes or no from God. But when I pray about it, I hear nothing!!! I can usually hear God's voice when trying to make a decision, but when it comes to this I think He thinks it's funny not to answer me. Honestly, I think God is OK with which ever decision we make.

I guess for now, I'll just do what I've been doing, worry about what I should do.


stacyp said...

Girl I nursed for a year! I am trying to stop now and this is one of the hardest things to do. Jacob is so frustrated with it too, but I am so glad I did. You need to have another baby girl and do everything you said you wanted to do....have another one!!!!! Miss you and love you, muah

Zanna said...

I don't know what you should do but I do know God will bless you either way!

I also know I want another baby and hopefully will be having one soon I think we might start trying in the summer shoot may april or may. Hopefully James comes around soon. ;)

Roberts Perfectly Mixed said...

Hey chickie! I know you want another one!!! I think a little time might help keep you sane! - I know our situation is different but were going for 5! And HER name is Gabrielle Grace -
"GiGi" see we already have her nickname! :-)
Just keep listening - He'll answer .....sooner or later

Lolly said...

This motherhood thing is addictive!! :-) Wait until yours are all grown and you find yourself trying to mother total strangers!!