The Constant Battle

It's like I have an internal war going on between my heart and my mind. Do I want another baby or not? I think about this every day in an obsessive way, like all day!

My heart tells me I need another baby. A little girl named Alexis (yes she already has a name) I don't feel like I could not handle another child. She would be a great addition to the family. A little sister for Ashten and Tyanna. I feel like I need one more chance to go through labor and delivery all natural. Maybe even a midwife. One more shot to breastfeed for the whole first year. I have plenty other reasons.

My mind tells me no way dude!!! I don't want to gain 40 pounds again! I don't want to be on an emotionial roller coaster. I don't want to have leaky boobs for a year. I don't want to try and find a babysitter for five kids when Brad wants just us to go on a trip. I also have plenty other reasons for not having another.

I wish I could get a clear yes or no from God. But when I pray about it, I hear nothing!!! I can usually hear God's voice when trying to make a decision, but when it comes to this I think He thinks it's funny not to answer me. Honestly, I think God is OK with which ever decision we make.

I guess for now, I'll just do what I've been doing, worry about what I should do.

My Dad's 40th

On Friday January 2nd, my dad turned 40! (yes, he was 14 when I was born, it's a long story) My mom worked for months to plan out the perfect night. And she succeeded! It was surprise after surprise. They started off in a hotel in Fort Worth. She had made plans for them and a couple of their close friends to go to dinner. Little did he know that there was 35 people waiting at the restauraunt to surprise him! He showed up and we celebrated. Then we all told him goodbye and my mom and him headed back to their hotel. Surprise number 2, my mom rented a hummer limo and it came and picked up family. We then headed to his hotel where Security stopped him at the elevater and told him there was a problem and brought him outside. Obviously when he saw the limo he realized, but as he opened the door, we all yelled "surprise" again! We decided to go dancing. You see my dad grew up dancing. When he was in college he traveled with a hip hop band and was a dancer. So dancing is one of his favorite things to do and he probably only really gets to do it less than once a year! I don't think I have ever made it to 2am dancing because I always get tired way earlier, but we were having so much fun they literally had to ask us to leave when the club was closing. My mom did amazing planning the party! I think she has really set the bar for 40th birthdays in the family! Here are a few pictures. My cousin took almost 400 pictures of the night. If you are friends on my myspace or facebook you can see alot more there. (I know the pictures are layed out really weird, I don't know how to fix it)